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So I P-shifted. Now what?

Posted by Szayel on April 1, 2016 at 11:10 PM

I P-shifted earlier this week. Usually, I would have jumped on here immediately due to the excitement of accomplishing another P-shift, (And I did it without ripping anyone's throat open. Yay.) but for some reason I didn't. I was excited, yes, but the shift also came with something unexpected. It came with weight. The weight of knowledge, I guess. Or, more specifically, the weight of OK, so now what do I do? Shifting was supposed to be the endgame. The accomplishment. Not the next footstep in an endlessly spiraling maze known as being a werewolf. So I managed a P-shift. Now what?

 

I guess I should go back to the actual shift itself. I was running. It was around 10 o’-clock in the morning. A bright day outside. There's a trail nearby my neighborhood that goes on for miles. Sometimes I go there at night and look up at the stars. That morning I was running though.

 

I was doing kind of a shitty job at it, too. Running, I mean. I hate running. It's not that I find it hard. It's just so boring to me. Unless I can listen to music while I run, I prefer to do anything else. But there is this 5-K run that's coming up in about a week, so I figured if I was going to get active again, I might as well start by running. So that's what I did.

 

I was running along the trail in the morning trying to improve my endurance. It was my second run since I started, and even though I felt like I was doing a shitty job, I knew that I had improved. I was running 6 miles (for some reason I had assumed that Kilometers were longer than miles) straight. I had my phone in my hand blasting out music because my fucking earbuds wouldn't stay in. I was on my way back home, struggling to keep my pace. I had just crossed a bridge that went over some train tracks, and as I descended down I was obscured by the trees around me. I was doing my best to maintain my pace, but I could barely breathe. My sweatpants were a little too big for me, and they kept sliding down, which was making it even harder to keep going. I was annoyed as I kept pulling them up, and it would throw my rhythm off. At that point, I just wanted to stop. I was going to hit the ground at any second, but I told myself that I would pushing myself until the next telephone pole and then walk the rest of the way home; it wasn't too far, about 30 yards away. I could manage just that.

 

I closed my eyes and focused on everything except my body. I could feel the air currents meshing, clashing, and circulating around me. I could smell the cherry blossoms and hear the crunch of car tires half a mile behind me. The world was alive, brimming with energy and power, and as my music played I felt something awaken deep within me.

 

I opened my eyes, running faster than I've ever run before. My pants had started to slip again, but I didn't care. I was beyond them—beyond all clothes. My shirt seemed to morph away from me as I increased in speed. I snarled, roared, and I felt my teeth getting sharp. My fingernails were rough. There was a brief, stabbing pain as one of my big toe pressed against the inside of my shoe. I couldn't see my eyes, but I knew they had to be a different color. A darker brown, perhaps.

 

I felt my body bending forward, steadily changing from a humanoid figure to that of a full-blown wolf. But before I could complete the shift, I stopped. I don’t know why. My speed decreased; my teeth retracted; my face relaxed. I slowed down. I immediately dropped to the ground and sat there, breathing heavily, as I waited for my heart to implode. To my surprise, I was only tired for only a second. It passed quickly, and I got up ready to start running again.

 

So I did. I was in complete shock. Only moments before my shift, I had been ready to die from exhaustion. How could I shift, run even faster than I'm able to when I'm not tired, and still not feel tired at all? There was a slight burning in my core like I had run half a mile instead of four. Other than that though, I felt fine. Some part of me deep down felt like I had tapped into that primal energy that warriors long before me had. The same energy that allowed them to rip beasts apart with their bare hands, bully Nature herself into submission, merge into the darkness, and petrify prey with just a glance. I felt invincible.

 

The excitement of it all was so overwhelming that the only thing I could think of was, "Text Arcover." I stopped jogging, texted her, and we talked about it for a little bit. When I finally started to calm down, a heavy weight settled in. I had shifted, but... what was next?

 

I started to get worried. My first thought was if someone had seen me. I looked around, even though I knew that I was alone and no one could have seen me. It was a relief until I realized that because no one had seen me I had no proof to back up my claim. I had shifted without recording myself or having an eyewitness to back it up. How was that an accomplishment?

 

And as I sit here now typing all this out, that weight still feels the same. I'm rubbing my temples, trying to figure out how to explain this. I guess what I mean to say is that being a werewolf is difficult. I can't tell other people who aren't "in" on all the supernatural stuff that I'm a werewolf. It's amazing how out of all the things people can believe in werewolves almost always invoke an attitude of skepticism. I can't say that I blame them, to be honest, but that doesn't make anything easier. When I tell people that I'm a werewolf the biggest question that comes to mind is, "So can you shift? Can you turn into a wolf or a monster?"

 

Yes. Yes I can. I know that for a fact. I just can't prove it—yet. But now that I've shifted for my 3rd (?) time, the bar is higher. I should have evidence, proof, or something on proving my P-shift, but it's just not that simple. Just because I've done it doesn't mean I have all the answers. And even if I did have all the answers, that doesn't mean I want to share them (even if I'm obligated to). Shifting is a vital part of being a werewolf, but the reason for that is because it's such an intimate and individual process.

 

When people ask me to prove that I'm a werewolf by shifting, I want to do that. It would make things so much easier. Yet, at the same time there’s this nature within me that sneers at the thought of me trying to appease to humans. Yes, I said that right. Humans. Because at the end of the day whether you believe me or not doesn’t change what I am. I am a werewolf. Why the fuck would I be concerned with what you think? I’m capable of things that would shatter your world. You are too—if you would open your eyes a little. That’s the truth.

 

And with that said, I’m brought back to my original thought: what’s next? I don’t know. They say that knowledge is power, but knowledge without the answers you seek is just weight. Right now I’m carrying weight, hoping that I somehow find what I’m looking for as a werewolf and a person, but there is no quick fix. I’ll continue to try and shift. I’ll try to provide proof while I’m at it. But I won’t guarantee anything. I could share nothing if I really feel like it. It’s my decision.

 

Categories: Werewolves

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13 Comments

Reply Arcover
11:38 AM on April 5, 2016 
That's an awesome post. I've had some partial p-shifting experiences and they're so intense and empowering! I don't think I've had an experience like that though, not while I was awake.

I think shifting is just a step up on the journey. We're always looking to move forward and up. I've always thought that shifting takes you to the next level but isn't the endgame by any means. Our ancestors shifted too, but the purpose of the shift wasn't just to shift. It was to be a master human and a master animal all in one. My idea of mastering my human experience is to get a great job, earn money, do what I love, etc. But once I get the hang of shifting, I'll have to learn how to be a lion. I'll have to learn the hunt, how to track, how to manage and maintain a territory, etc. It takes a lifetime for a lion to reach its peak. Right now I'm at that point in life when lions are cast out from their families and must make it on their own. I know I have A LOT to learn about being a human and an animal but I'm only 23 and I have so much time to master both those things.

So really there is no "endgame" in my opinion. Shifting is something we do just like we all have talents for other things like drawing or writing or math. We'll build on those skills and natural talents for the rest of our lives and even still there will be something new out there we haven't quite explored yet.

I'm SO excited about your shift. When you texted me I was like "OH SNAP!" Hopefully we can meet up soon and you can get me shifting again. Then we can take over DC and the surrounding areas like bosses.
Reply DragonMafia
9:10 PM on April 5, 2016 
I agree completely with Arcover.
One, it's astonishing how far you've come with P-shifting, as well as inspiring.
Secondly, no, this experience was not the end game; far from it, if you ask me. You've only just begun the journey, and the road ahead probably has no end. Shifting isn't a goal you accomplish in order to move up from it and onto the next goal; it's a goal you live. It's like learning to ride a bike. You'll have to work hard and practice to even get on the bike and maintain balance, and even more so when you finally start learning to ride it. But now you have successfully learned how to ride a bike, so is that it? Are you done? No. Now, you go places with that bike. You ride it every day, or as much as you can. You don't learn to ride a bike only to stop there.You use it, for joy, for necessity, or to continue practicing more advance skills. Shifting, of any kind, a part of who you are, and the reason you practice is so you can embrace that aspect of yourself more.

Knowledge is indeed power, however, knowledge without the answers you seek is not a burden, but a drive. A frustrating drive at times, but a drive nonetheless.
Hope you'll have even better success in the future as you practice~ :)
Reply LycanRage7
1:44 AM on April 8, 2016 
This is a really inspiring post, at least in my eyes. You know, take this as you will, but I've never been so happy or proud of someone else or even myself for quite a few years now.

I definitely agree with the previous two comments, the journey is not over. Just like DragonMafia said, if you learn to ride a bike, doesn't mean you just completely ignore it. You move on, make more discoveries and such with your skills. Learn new "tricks" with the "bike"
Reply Kei
2:17 AM on April 8, 2016 
Congratulations on your progress. My shift I'm not sure if it was a full one or not but I remembered seeing my human tracks slowly morph into wolf tracks when I saw them the next morning.

A second time I was able to see my wolf eyes, wet black nose, a short muzzle complete with teeth and pointed ears before they retracted. Then a third time was at work when I saw my hand slowly lengthen.

It's been years ago since this happened. But I guess from the abuse I suffered so much in life my shifts went from painlessly voluntary to involuntary and very painful. I haven't shifted into a full wolf yet, I've been suppressing the shift which makes it worse. As of late I haven't been feeling very well, it's getting more and more frequent that I will be stuck in bed, in great pain, sweating, crying, convulsing and contorting. I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. I was once complemented on my yellow wolf eyes the passing Halloween.

Sorry if my comment ruined your flare.
Reply Rukilio
11:13 AM on April 8, 2016 
It's great that you managed to shift. I agree with Arcover that shifting is probably not an endgame, and more of a step up with being a werewolf. I've never had a shift like that, so it's wonderful that you've made progress.
Reply Szayel
10:13 PM on April 8, 2016 
I get email notifications on blog comments, so I always read your comments as soon as I can, and I want to say thank you for all the support. You're right; shifting isn't the "endgame" like I thought, and it shouldn't be for good reason. There's so much to explore.
Reply Szayel
10:18 PM on April 8, 2016 
Kei says...
Congratulations on your progress. My shift I'm not sure if it was a full one or not but I remembered seeing my human tracks slowly morph into wolf tracks when I saw them the next morning.

A second time I was able to see my wolf eyes, wet black nose, a short muzzle complete with teeth and pointed ears before they retracted. Then a third time was at work when I saw my hand slowly lengthen.

It's been years ago since this happened. But I guess from the abuse I suffered so much in life my shifts went from painlessly voluntary to involuntary and very painful. I haven't shifted into a full wolf yet, I've been suppressing the shift which makes it worse. As of late I haven't been feeling very well, it's getting more and more frequent that I will be stuck in bed, in great pain, sweating, crying, convulsing and contorting. I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. I was once complemented on my yellow wolf eyes the passing Halloween.

Sorry if my comment ruined your flare.

Your comment didn't ruin anything at all. I went through a period of intense physical (and mental) pain that nearly killed me. Even now, I don't know how I got through it, but I did, somehow... Sometimes it's just about holding on. You may not know what you're holding on for, but it doesn't matter because afterwards you'll realize that you were holding on because things eventually change for the better. I hope you recover soon, stronger than ever, and your shifts aren't so unbearable anymore.
Reply Okami
12:59 PM on April 12, 2016 
I'm gone for a year and people are already P-Shifting? What the absolute hell? I feel so far behind now. I haven't even done a m-shift yet. I'm actually pretty envious right now. But, I am happy to hear so much progress being made in a year. Hope to hear more about it.
Reply Eshtar
10:11 PM on April 12, 2016 
I have accomlished a p-shift to and I am so proud and exited. But i also know how you feel.I may be a cat but the feeling is mutual. it is not the end all be all. my shifts so far are small but they are also right in front of my husband. And I really agree with Arcover on this.
Reply Eshtar
10:17 PM on April 12, 2016 
and yes I am a cat an African Wildcat not a wolf. But I shifted by my own will for the first time a few weeks ago. My husband seen my markings and commented that i looked feral in ways lol. The second time no markings but my face trying to turn to a muzzle. So I knew then it was validated at what I am. but I did also wonder the whole ok now what? but as cats are, I was feeling proud and regal. it will take a looong while to control ect. And as Arcover said there is much to learn. If i go full on wildcat how would I hunt in that form? (though I can use 2 legs that I call Anthro) So for some this is a big turning point. And congrats. Seems this may be the year many Weres make progress.
Reply Eshtar
10:19 PM on April 12, 2016 
one more thing. My husband pointed out if I shift into full blown wildcat, as an example does not mean my movements and balance would be uncanny. he said it may be the opisit. Its a new body and I may be all over the place falling down not knowing how to use my tail ect. So be on the look out and get used to that new body.
Reply Kei
5:10 PM on April 15, 2016 
Thank you Szayel. I'm not sure what's going to happen to me. I'm frightened and the pain is getting worse. I haven't physically shifted yet, I've just had extreme pain.

One morning however did something new happen, I actually felt my muumuu get too tight, my spine and muscles pushed out of my back straining my outfit it was very painful and scary but eventually it stopped. It happened again that same week at night only the feeling was stronger.

I was amazed my muumuu felt so tight because I thought shifting into a wolf I would get smaller instead. This tells me either I'll become a larger than average wolf, wolves are normally big or what scares me I might turn into a male wolf. I'm not sure if changing sexes happen with shifting.

My mindset will change and I'll get excited sometimes, or aggressive even hungry, sometimes wanting to howl and run. The wolf's instincts are very strong.

Not sure why it's happening so slowly. I've also been dream shifting a ton though. As of late I haven't been feeling well and very stressed.

I guess my shifts are going to be painful. I resist in my dreams shifting in front of my mate. I'm torn as I love wolves but I don't want to terrify the man I love either. It's getting harder fighting the wolf.
Reply brandon
10:06 AM on January 1, 2017 
I thought of doubt in my mind... Can a normal human like me actually go through a metamorphic shift into a werewolf? Of course, going through practice of visualisation before making it to the Big P-Shift. But this story has gotten me thinking, what if I stopped at this road? Will I Constantly experience this transformation thing weekly, Or will it die off and become mundane?

Think About this makes me wonder if I really want to spend the time to become one.